Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize