turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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