I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize