no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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