I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
