If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
