Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
