I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
