mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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