I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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