I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
