Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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