Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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