I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
