Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
