So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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