Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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