If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
