i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
