Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
