If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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