Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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