my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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