so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
