she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize