I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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