he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
