All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
