I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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