Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
