I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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