The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize