some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
