so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
