help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
