did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
