I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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