Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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