Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
