turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
