Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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