If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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