Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
