Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
