You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
