one word: firstdatebathroomanal
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
