don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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