My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
