Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
