I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
