Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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