yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize