News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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