I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
