I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
