Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've blown a few things in my day
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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