And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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