i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hippo gnu deer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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