WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
