I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She is in my trunk
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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