I didn't shave. On purpose
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
