you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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