Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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