You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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