Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
