he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
