I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
