hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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