I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
