You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
