My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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