If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
