so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
